I am not the type to blow my own horn; in fact, I only ever pull my horn out on special occasions, such as a birthday, a Christmas party or a funny episode of Soccer AM. But, it’s with a genuine sense of pride that I talk of my recent charity work; I have been very involved in raising awareness of lesbian issues via the medium of DVD.
Much of my good work was ruined when Paul Scholes allegedly made a homophobic remark to a referee. A spokesman for OutRage! may have said, “The cheek of it; if anyone should respect minority groups, it is a ginger.”
I have a belief that Wayne Rooney’s poor recent form is a consequence of an infatuation with the carrot-topped midfielder. Let us regard the evidence; Rooney’s slump started when Scholes returned to first team action; Wayne grew a camp ginger beard in some sort of weird homage to his hero, and if conclusive proof was still required, Scholes is a well respected old pro; Wayne knows all about that. Should Sir Alex sell Scholes in order to get the most out of Rooney? I will let the purple-nosed one make that decision. Should Man Utd be backed at 1.57 to beat a struggling Wigan? Definitely.
Wayne is understandably frustrated by his below par performances; I have a DVD film that could help him out. It was a cheap shot for Rooney to blame the FA for his bad run, the staff at ‘Fatties Anonymous’ are said to be upset by this unfounded allegation. Rooney’s even money odds with the majority of the big boys to find the goal this weekend, but only the clinically insane will be on.
Glenn Hoddle called Didier Zokora ‘a blatant cheat’ after he dived to seal a win against Pompey, and if anyone knows about karma it is the eccentric tambourine-banging former England coach. Tottenham travel to Villa Park to play a team with a 100% home record; get on Aston Villa at 2.38 odds.
Juan Pablo Angel should be bet on at 7.50 odds to score the opener. I can exclusively reveal that the Colombian hitman has a surprise trick up his sleeve; he plans to roll the ball softly towards goal.
Thierry Henry is not just a great footballer, he is a gentleman. I don't know how he persuaded his French team-mates to lie down against Scotland, but this charitable move proves the undoubted class of the man. The mysterious genius looks back to his sublime best, he is even added heading to his already impressive repertoire. Thierry has been priced up at 13.00 odds to score a hat-trick against Watford at the Emirates, that is bordering on appealing.
Robin Van Persie’s also in fine form, his volley against Charlton was the most talked about strike since mad Maggie tucked up the miners. Henry and Van Persie could possibly be the greatest double act since Skinner and Baddiel first watched Seinfeld and Costanza. You cannot get rich backing Arsenal at 1.20 to beat the outgunned Watford, but who wants to be Paul McCartney?
Joey Barton was fined £2,000 this week for showing Everton fans his rear end. The Scousers were quite rightly mad about Joey’s full moon; if they wanted to see a hairy bum they would have logged on to robbiesavage.com. Everton are worth a bet at 2.80 odds to leave the Riverside with the win, a 1-0 scoreline is in play at 8.50 and ‘under 2.5’ goals in the game is a punt at 1.67. (This game has had two goals or less on the last nine occasions.)
Fulham are the weekend tip at 2.10 odds at home to a moribund Charlton. The Addicks haven’t won at the Cottage for 20 years and have lost all of their games on the road this season. Poor old Ian Dowie, it doesn’t look pretty.
It has been a horrific season for Portsmouth's Pedro Mendes. First, ‘Gentle Ben’ Thatcher introduced him to his forearm; then he was an unwilling co-star in a Didier Zokora production. As West Ham are the latest visitors to Fratton Park, a change of fortune is almost guaranteed for Pedro; a home victory appeals at 2.00 odds.
Frank Lampard had the barefaced gall to suggest that England need two holding midfielders to accommodate him; apparently one to hold the burgers and the other to hold the fries. Chelsea coach Jose Mourinho has stated that he will continue to select misfiring striker Andriy Shevchenko until he scores; Reading definitely will not be on the end of a thumping. Backing Chelsea to win by either a 1-0 or a 2-0 scoreline looks a solid way to profit at 3.50 odds.
Rafael Benitez changes his team more often than I have hot meals. Actually, that is probably an unfair comparison; Heather Mills wins the triple jump more often than my wife ventures into the kitchen. The constant tinkering has not had a detrimental effect on performances though, Liverpool will beat Blackburn at 1.50.
Blackburn Rovers have not had a man sent off for eight matches now; that is approaching a club record. It is no coincidence that their disciplinary troubles have eased since offloading Craig Bellamy to Liverpool; they should be given the ‘No Bell’ peace prize. Sorry. Bellamy may be a complete nause, but he is a good footballer; he is almost nailed on at 5.50 odds to score the first goal against his former team-mates.
Weekend Bet Tips
Wigan v Man Utd
Man Utd 1.57
Bet on: Man Utd
Ronaldo to score a goal at any time 2.88
Arsenal v Watford
Bet on: Arsenal
Thierry Henry and Van Persie both to score 4.00
Aston Villa v Tottenham
Aston Villa 2.38
Bet on: Aston Villa
JP Angel to score with a header 5.50
Liverpool v Blackburn
Bet on: Liverpool
Craig Bellamy to score two or more goals 5.00
Man City v Sheffield Utd
Man City 1.73
Sheff Utd 5.00
Bet on: Draw
No goalscorer in the game 11.00
Middlesbrough v Everton
Bet on: Everton
Andy Johnson to score the only
goal of the match 29.00
Portsmouth v West Ham
West Ham 4.33
Bet on: Portsmouth
Pedro Mendes to score from outside
the penalty area 13.00
Reading v Chelsea
Bet on: Chelsea
Didier Drogba to score the first goal 5.50
Newcastle v Bolton
Bet on: Draw
Game to finish 1-1 6.50
Fulham v Charlton
Bet on: Fulham
Fulham to score three or more goals
in the game 4.50